Between the average Cincinnati Bengal and the average Cincinnati Rollergirl, my money’s on CRG. And before you get all “FEMI-NAZI! She’s just saying that ’cause she’s a girl!” on me, let me laundry list why, in comparison, I feel the Bengals are a bunch of sissies the Rollergirls come out on top.
Equipment: The average Bengal has a helmet with partial face guard, shoulder pads, agent, knee guards, thigh pads, multi-million dollar contract, athletic protective cups, etc. The average Rollergirl? Helmet, elbow pads, knees pads…oh, and a sports bra. (Heck, most of them have panty hose on for the bouts…I can’t even get motivated to put on panty hose for Baby Jesus at Christmas Mass.) 2 points for the Rollergirls
Professional cheerleading squad vs. people motivated by $1 PBRs (like moi) fine, 2 points for the Bengals, whatever
Cleats vs. Rollerskates: Duh, wheels. 3 points for the Rollergirls
Of course the Bengals do have the balls. 2 points for the Bengals
PLAYING SURFACE: The Bengals play on a specially designed (read: pansy-ass) turf substance complete with rubber beady-thingies to cushion their fall “field turf”. The Rollergirls? CONCRETE baby. They hit concrete and they hit it hard. While on wheels. And when they pull themselves up, they do so on wheels. Um, did I mention the wheels? 3 points for the Rollergirls
Finally, MASCOTS: Wooly Bully kicks Who-Dey’s ass. Period. 7 points for the Rollergirls
There you have it folks…15 to 4 Rollergirls win.
If it is any consolation Bengals, you’d probably wipe the floor with the Cincinnati Reds.
The next home match for these AMAZING women is May 8th – tickets make the perfect Mother’s Day gift. You can find all the details and purchase your tickets on their site. See you there!
Amy in OHio 
22 comments
Comments feed for this article
April 20, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Scott Livesay
Brilliant!
April 20, 2010 at 12:57 pm
dellgirl1
HILARIOUS!
April 20, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Buckhead Betty
That’s awesome!!!
April 20, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Ruff'n
He-He….Awesome! Thanks so much for your support. 🙂
You could also add that rollergirls keep playing even when they’re hurt. We’ve had rollergirls play with a broken wrist, broken fingers, and a dislocated shoulder. They’ve also put off getting stitches for after the game.
April 20, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Diva Vin Detta
I love this. Great Read, I can’t wait to see if Ocho take Oucho’s Challenge.
April 20, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Carl Kishman
This is so incredibly true! haha
April 20, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Sadistic Sadie
Love it! Does that adorable little girl belong to you? I got such a kick out of her sheepy 🙂
April 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Name Withheld to protect the innocent
I love CRG, but in all honesty there probably isnt a sport tougher on the human body than professional football. Roller Derby is great and is a very physical sport, but it is not on the level of the NFL. NFL players train their whole life to be able to have the ability and phyical capabilities required to play NFL football. Roller Derby can be picked up far later in life by someone whos interested and they can still become a high level player. Dont get me wrong, I love CRG and come to all the home games, but to compare it to football is ridiculous IMHO.
April 20, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Trauma
AWESOME!!!!! 🙂 Thanks so much for coming out!
April 20, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Quad Almighty
Dear Name Withheld to protect the innocent,
While I respect your opinion, and even may have shared your opinion a few broken ribs ago, I must object. If you would like to test your theory, then I suggest that you and I spend a Saturday afternoon playing tackle football with the rollergirls. The following day we’ll lace up some skates at the Gardens and play roller derby with the rollergirls. You let me know afterwards which one seems to take more natural coordination, stamina, focus and tolerance for pain. Bigger does not necessarily mean badder. (What the heck is “turf toe” anyway?) LOL! Seriously, thanks for your support. CRG has the Best Damn Fans in the Land.
Amen.
Quad
April 20, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Name Withheld to protect the innocent
Quad, Your offer, which sounds enticing btw, would really be a farce. I am not trained in either sport and would look like a fool attempting to do either. You make some sense with your arguement, but I still disagree that roller derby would require more of any of those attributes listed over the NFL. I agree that in some cases bigger doesnt mean badder but in this particular instance I think it holds true. Anyway, enough of my ramblings. I hope none of you ladies take offense and/or view any of my statements as derogatory to you or the sport of roller derby. And now I get to daydream about spending a day getting beaten up by the women of CRG. Except the one thats my sister… lol.
Cant wait for the next home game!!! 🙂
April 20, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Killian Destroy
This is awesome! Thank you for your support!
February 6, 2012 at 11:57 am
Tarlan
liefsrough on April 22, 2009 Ive been through alot finacially recently and needed a way to make fast cash and i must say this business works like a charm. I greatly appreciate the video.
February 7, 2012 at 4:43 am
obuarhkqs
fYqjbi nuedzfhddkpt
April 20, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Steve
nice. CRG definitely deserves points for $1 PBRs. and don’t forgot the purple couch… +5 more points for CRG!!!
February 4, 2012 at 5:11 am
Uhut
Adorei esse filme e fieuqi tarada nesse esporte!Sei que a Pat Grejanin, dona da Laundry, joga. Então tem liga em SP.Beijo!
April 20, 2010 at 9:08 pm
Earl
Great blog post!
April 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
Nik Jagger
EXCELLENT POST!!! THANK YOU!!!
Dear Name withheld,
You have some good points, and I would like to give you another one to ponder. The NFL was founded 90 years ago in 1920, and I am sure back then it could be “picked up far later in life by someone whos interested and they can still become a high level player.” The WFTDA (our current NFL equivalent) was founded 6 years ago in 2004. Yes, today 6 years in roller derby can be picked up later in life and that is becoming increasingly more difficult every year. I am fortunate that I started when I did, and I am sure our rookies can attest to the fact that it is not easy. Not everyone that tries out makes the team, not everyone that makes the team makes a roster, and not everyone that makes a roster gets to play in the game. We all work hard to be better players to see more time on the track. Wheezy skated with us for nearly 10 months before being rostered, and look at her now!!! Hard work and determination got her there! I can’t imagine what the athletes who play roller derby 84 years from now will be like…because by then they will also have trained their whole life!
This response is all in good fun! Thanks for the lively debate and for the opportunity to dream about CRG 84 years from now!
Nik
April 21, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Name Withheld to protect the innocent
See the movie “Rollerball”. lol.
Seriously though if you compare the rules/equpiment that the NFL used back in its early years to the stuff they have to use in present day its pretty much an entirely different sport. I for one hope that roller derby DOESNT change all the much in the next 84 years. The Rollerball movie thing was a joke, but the rules/equipment could change a ton in the upcoming years if roller derby takes off anything like professional football did.
April 21, 2010 at 1:11 pm
AmyInOhio
What I thought was a joke comment has evolved into a reasonable discussion. In my opinion the men that played football back in the 20s and 30s were far superior to the ones that play today. NFL Films did a special program where they interviewed a bunch of them that played back then and the protective equipment they used was basically nothing. And these weren’t 250-300lb gorillas either – these were relatively small guys (by today’s standards) taking hits like that on hard dirt not specially design polymer turf.
I think Rugby puts Football to shame – they wear barely anything to protect themselves. No doubt football is physical and hazardous, but they do have a lot of stuff in place to protect them from injury.
And I still maintain that these gals are tough as nails the way they bounce off that concrete. The stamina they maintain is amazing, they play injured and the play for the love of the sport – not a million dollar endorsement deal. (Although with the following they are accumulating, I can only imagine endorsements are not too far off!) CRGirls ROCK!
May 13, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Cincinnati Women Bloggers » Blog Archive » CWB Rocks with the Rollergirls
[…] a block of reserved seats available – Adults $8; Kids 7-12 $4 and Kids under 7 are FREE. I love the Rollergirls and I can’t think of a better reason to get all the awesome CWB’s together. Bring your hubs, […]
May 22, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Rollergirls are back in action 5/29 | Family Friendly Cincinnati
[…] might not be a word). Their next bout is May 29th at The Cincinnati Gardens. And BONUS! The Cincinnati Women Bloggers (all of us here are members) are throwing a bash with special ticket prices, reserved seating and a […]