CityMama has challenged us all to face our demons and exercise them. She’s running a contest and the prize is sweeeeettt, so sweet, I’m willing to share something that until today was known to me alone.
A few years ago, in an attempt to strengthen my core and connect with my inner self, I purchased a yoga dvd. Nothing remarkable there, I have roughly fifty exercise dvds or tapes, collecting dust and holding up table legs. But this dvd was going to change my life – it said so right there in the description, duh.
I waited a few weeks to try it out – must have the right clothes, the right state of mind and the will to get the hell off the couch – but on a gloomy Saturday, when nothing was on TV, I decided this was to be my zen moment. And the first day of the rest of my new, healthy life began.
Popped that dvd in and I was off. The first couple moves were a snap. (I could show off and call them asanas, but who am I? Ashley Judd or something?) I was good – so good in fact that I thought for moment, why did I get the beginner dvd? I could totally have done the advanced version – I was indeed ready for beyond the basics.
Then that pose – you know the one – where you place one of your feet high up on the opposite thigh and you stand there waiting for clarity? The instructor (aka perkymissfancypants) warned that this was a complicated one – one to work towards eventually. Yeah, well missfancypants, I was in the military, don’t you tell me a thing or two about so and so. Bubbling with confidence, I “achieved” the pose and calmly closed my eyes. Sure, I’ll admit the balancing was harder on this one, that must mean it’s working and I just needed to focus more.
Ah, much better I’m totally getting this. “I am so good” was running through my head just before I heard the cat’s first screach. Somehow, in my clarity some basic function had stopped in my brain and I was unaware that I was tilting falling over. And the poor cat, too stupid or too mesmerized by MY stupidity, just sat there and let me fall on her.
Sure I had killed her – that’s a bit of impact for a 12 pound cat, no? – we rushed her to the emergency vet. Luckily, the only thing injured was her pride and she had wasted at least two of her nine lives. I lied my ass off to the vet on what really happened, all the while the cat giving me one of those looks that only a cat you just fell on top of can give you. You know the one that alerts you’ll be needing a new pillow case and comforter soon, meow, meow, because this kind of aggression can not go unanswered.
The first day of the rest of my healthy life was not a success. Full of guilt, the cat got a can of tuna that evening and I haven’t seen that dvd since.
Namaste to you all.